The Secret of Despair
by Mz Miracles
Summary: Tohru discovers Akitos deepest darkest secrets so then she has to pay for it. pairing of Tohru with either Kyou or Yuki.... vote for which one you want her to end up with.
1. 1 The Chase

it was pounding. ..._thump thump thump_... her heart was pounding so loudly it was blocking out all the other sounds surrounding her. silently, her body shook and continued shaking until she forced herself to stop when she finally noticed. Her stomache was having a tantrum and she wanted to throw up because it kept going up and down.

While her lungs were expanding and contracting painfully, she had been running for what felt like hours. it could only have been at the most fifteen minutes she thinks to reassure herself. her throat is thick and feels like its filled with whipped cream. But all those things didn't even compare to what she was feeling in her head. Her head was screaming bloody hell and it felt as though her entire head was on fire. screws were being pounded into her head.

But it all didn't matter as long as she kept quiet.. at least quiet enough for **HIM** not to find her. **HE** was after her and she knew she wouldn't be safe for long. She had broken the rule. She had told someone. She had told someone about Akito's dark secret. She had been over her head when she thought she could achieve something by telling Hatori. She though he would understand and help her. What she didn't know was that Akito had been carefully watching and observing her... waiting for her to slip up and tell someone. He knew from that day that she had seen him that she would want to tell someone...

...that day, TOhru had been called to the Souhma house but she had been two hours early because she had nothing better to do. She had walked in the door and called out but nobody was there. Tohru went into the garden, and then she saw. She knew the secret that Akito hadn't told anyone else but Hatori. The secret he had kept close to his heart and covered with layers so no one else would know. Something he had hid so intensely and also desperately hoping no one would discover it. You see, Akito was in love.

He knew no one else could find out because if someone did find out he knew he would lose so much of his power. He would be no longer respected or feared. Two things he never wanted to lose. Tohru saw Akito kissing **HER**. The woman that akito loved. Of all people it had to be her Tohru Honda to see him. Tohru regretted seeing the whole thing but it was like watching a car accident. She couldn't wrench her eyes from the scene. It was so fascinating but horrifying at the same time. She knew she should have turned away the moment she saw them and leave and pretend it didn't happen. but no she had to stay there and watch and stand there in plain view like an idiot so all Akito had to do was turn around and see her standing there in shock.

When he had finally turned around he ran to her pushed her to the ground. The nightmare begun. He had slapped her, pulled her hair, and practically raged at her with all his power. What felt like days later he had stopped. His ragging breathe on her face as she was on the ground helpless and paralyzed from her injuries but also from fear. Nobody had ever been so angry at her. She quivered. At least he was done she thought. He had finished putting scratches and marks all over her body.

Akito had paused and looked back and talked to **HER**. and told **HER** to go back into his room and he would go there when he was finished. Tohru had thought she had seen some pity in **HER** eyes but all **SHE** did was walk timidly into the other room. Akito turned his attention back to her and Tohru could not help but feel as if she had been smacked with an invisible force. His dark eyes were so strong and powerful much effective than his physical hits. In his eyes she saw hate and raw revusion as he looked at her. THen tohru heard him whisper, "don't even move" She was so astonished she didn't move. He simply turned her so she was on her stomache and her back was facing him. From the corner of her eye she saw him pull out a long silk cord with tassles at the end and a handle at the other end. He started whipping her.

She was still in shock so she didn't even cry out. So after about 20 hits he paused. and said with hate in every word, "if you tell anyone i will make sure you will lose your memory and experience so much pain that it cannot even compare to today. and will you not only feel physical pain you will experience emotional pain because i will take everything and everyone that is important to you." When he finished saying that she knew he had meant every syllable. THen without another glance he left...

That was what she remembered. She had gone through the next few months after that telling no one and keeping that secret inside of her. TOhru started to constantly fear Akito. Soon he was in her very thoughts and dreams, well more like nightmares. It started eating her up inside. So just today she had decided to tell someone she trusted.

She told Hatori.

Tohru should have known something was wrong when she saw him get a funny look in his eyes. HOw was she suppose to know Akito had told him about the secret months ago and also that he told him to watch out to see if Tohru told anyone. THen jsut 20 minute ago he had grabbed her wrist and had told her to look into his eyes. Then she knew he was about to erase her memory. She turned and ran and heard him close behind her. Tohru ran for her life as hard as she could. She went through the neighborhood and then into the forest and now she had cleverly hidden in the insides of a large bush. She just hoped the loud sound of her beating heart wouldn't give her away...


	2. 2 The Realization

She went through the neighborhood and then into the forest and now she had cleverly hidden in the insides of a large bush. She just hoped the loud sound of her beating heart wouldn't give her away...

Then piercing gray eyes peered at her and all went black...

...Tohru woke up with her lungs aching and her back stiff, where was she? She was lying on Hatori's inspection table for his patients. Her head ached and she felt as though she was on a hangover. How would she know how a hangover felt? Well that's another story for another time when she had drunken much more than her share and fooled around with him... no this was a different him. A good him, a hot him. A him she loved. 

Anyways she tried to remember what happened, oh yes she was hiding from Akito and Hatori was after her. She remembered seeing Hatori's cold gray eyes and everything going black. Did he erase her memories? COld black fear entered her mind as she panicked. But wait then why did she remember everything? 

Hatori walked in at that moment and Tohru instinctively flinched. "Tohru I'm sorry i was suppose to erase your memory last night." he said very plainly.

"Then why didn't you?" asked Tohru tentatively. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to know or not but she did want to know what was going to happen to her. She was scared, she felt helpless. Here was the man she trusted almost like a father and last night he had chased her down like she was a common criminal. ouch. 

"Tohru you know i would never do that to you. You are almost like the daughter that i never had and always wanted." He said looking at her tenderly and Tohru could see he was telling the truth. Tohru was surprised and almost smacked herself for thinking Hatori could have betrayed her and hurt her in some way.

"Now what's going to happen Hatori? Akito hates me. He's going to ruin my life and everybody i loved will be taken away from me somehow or worse... he will hurt them because of me." Tohru said she couldn't help the hot burning tears. Everything was going so wrong. How could it have gone this way. Life was so good just a couple days ago, she was spending time with him and he told her he loved her. She thought she could never get happier. She thought life was perfect at last. It was so much more than she could ever ask. Then this happened. 

It was all her fault. She should not have let it bothered her and pretended it never happened. Why didn't she? It bothered her so much because what she saw felt so wrong to her soul. It went against everything she believed in. She could not help remembering... thinking.. about it every day. 

"Tohru..." Hatori spoke breaking into her thoughts.  
"Tohru the only thing i can think of doing is maybe... just maybe you can pretend that i erased your memory. I was only suppose to erase your memory for the night you saw Akito and um.. Ms. Akito. " 

"WHAT that was his wife?" Tohru impulsively shouted, shocked. "No, of course not but that's what we call her? We meaning by me and the other parts of the staff that also have knowledge of their... gatherings." Hatori looked down.

"But that's not the point, The point Tohru is that last night i was suppose to have you forgotten the last couple months and to have implanted a different memory in your mind." Hatori said matter of factly. 

"Yes? What was it if i might ask?"

"I was suppose to implant in your mind that you and Akito were very close. Almost like brother and sister. I was suppose to put memories of you two having fun together. And you are to visit him very friday for a get together visit you two have been doing for years. Tohru you cannot be scared. You cannot show a morsel of fear, because Akito is like a dog he can smell fear. You know what Akito will do if he discovers i have not erased your memory and that you still carry his...dark secret."

"oh..." this was a lot for Tohru to swallow. Why would Akito put memories of good feelings toward each other in her memory. Would she be able to hide her fear? If she messed up her AND Hatori would be ravaged by Akito's wrath. But she was willing to take this chance, so she could keep her memories... so she could remember him and those times spent with him in the sun, at the lake, in the closet... She wanted to cherish those things forever and for her, memories were the only thing she had left. Tohru didn't have anything else. So she would protect her memories with her life. And hopefully she would not ruin Hatori's life in the process or hurt anyone else. 

"Hatori Okay. I will. And thank you so much for not ... you know." She smiled at Hatori the best she could. He had done a great thing for her. He had defied Akito, the one person Hatori feared and never disobeyed, only except for the people he loved. 

Hatori smiled back at her fondly. He truly loved this girl, her sweetness, her tenderness just always reminded him of his love. Tohru was like the spring, but she was just as delicate as well. And Hatori would do anything to protect her, even if it meant his life. 

The next day Tohru returned home and everything was just the way she left it. Shigure was working inside teasing his editor and talking about his book. Kyou was sleeping peacefully on the ground. Tohru could see his satisfied kittish smile and she couldn't help but blush, even though he couldn't see her. Tohru had the incredible urge to run her hands through his hair. It looked absolutely soft, and Tohru was acutely aware that she aware of that. Yuki was eating, and he was eating her food that she prepared! She had made a special treat for him made from the vegetables from his garden for his birthday a couple days ago. Oh how that made her happy that he was eating it. Yuki looked so happy, Tohru could see that his violet eyes were luminous with happiness. His eyes always made her blush. They seemed to be piercing at her kindly all the time.

"Hello everyone! I'm back from Hatori's house!" Tohru exclaimed to the quiet household.

Kyou woke up with a delightful shake with his head and Yuki was already on his way with a illuminating smile on his face. BUt before either of them could get there Shigure beat them to it. 

"Oh our lovely flower! You're home again. Oh how you light up this home! We've missed you so much. Kyou was cranky and Yuki didn't eat any of my cooking." Shigure whined. 

Tohru laughed good naturedly as she saw Kyou and Yuki look away in disgust of Shigure. Everything was all right again. Or was it? She looked at him. HIm, the one she loved. The look in his eyes changed... something was different. 

HIm can be either Kyou or Yuki so VOTE please! ) 


	3. The Love Story

She got back to all her normal duties. Lived her life like each day was normal. But someone could tell. The whole household could tell that their little flower was wilting. Her usually incandescent eyes had loss their gleam and she looked tired all the time as if living was too tiring for her.

Thursday night he took her hand and took her outside. He talked to her in the voice he always did, tender and gently. It always warmed her to know this was the man she loved and by the way. He loved her too. She smiled, and He said, "Thank god. It's the first time I've seen you smile in days. Tohru…" He paused. He brought her hand to his lips and lightly brushed over them. "Please. Won't you tell me what's wrong? Do you love me?" He asked with his eyes full of worry and uncertainty.

"I love you, and you should never doubt that. I trust you but right now please understand I can't tell anyone what I'm going through. Maybe it's just a phase." She attempted a chuckle to ease the mood. But it failed, and they both knew it.

"Tohru I want to help you through it. That's what I'm suppose to do." He replied persuasively. "If we are really meant for each other. We are suppose to lean on each other for support. You helped me a while back ago and I want to .. no… I need to help you now."

"You know … you make me so happy. You make me feel like I am loved and secure. But as much as I love you I cannot tell you this. One day maybe but not now. You cannot help me with it, only I can. Please don't talk about it, it's distressing me. Let's talk about something nice and happy. Like remember how much I love you?" She smiled for real this time.

"I'm only letting you change the subject because I love you. Do you ever wonder what will become of us? I wonder if you will ever stop loving me. I wonder if this wonderful thing we have here will ever shatter. It's difficult for me to believe that you love me because I know I'm not worth it and I've wondered a lot if you would ever change your mind." He dropped his eyes to the ground. "I thought maybe that you were different this week because maybe you wanted to break up with me."

Mixed feelings rushed into her. "You should never ever think that. Promise me. I promise you that I will always be yours. As long as I am Tohru Honda every part of me will love you." She knew that from the moment she had met him. There was no explanation, things were just how it is. Her love was very simple and plain but it was true and sincere. That was just how it was.

He looked at her his eyes glowing and radiant. He was glad because he loved her in that way too. It was an instant spark. Their relationship wasn't always exciting and wasn't all about sex like most high school relationships, but it was about stability and their true love that was always there. "You look so pretty right now I could kiss you."

Tohru blushed as always, "But Shigure might see us. Nobody can see us remember?" Yes they had kept their relationship a secret from everyone and especially Akito.

"I know I know Tohru, that's why we're going behind that tree." He pulled her to the large tree and rushed behind it as if he was running from something. Then he suddenly turned back and kissed her. It was gentle and undemanding. The kiss itself tasted like a blend of peaces and plums to Tohru. It was innocent and had no expectations nor insinuations. It was pure and just itself. He leaned back and blushed. "That was my first kiss. I wanted you to know."

"As it was mine too." She smiled, the fluttering of her heart barely seemed to pause a moment.

"I wanted to give you a little something." He said. He took his hand out of his pocket and there lay a pretty charm in the shape of a dove. "If you were a Souma your animal would be the dove. Because of your kindness and love for everyone. So considerate and bringing joy to everyone." Something was soaring inside of her.

"I do not deserve it. I am not who you think I am." Tohru was thinking of the deep dark secret inside of her. She must be a wicked person for keeping that inside of her and it was dirtying her. "I cannot accept it."

"Please Tohru it was a gift I worked hard to buy for you. There is no one more worthy to have than you." He replied.

"No, I cannot." She simply stated. His gift was so kind, but the thought of him thinking she was brining love and happiness to everyone was too much. She brought them misery and because of her Akito wanted to rage his anger toward everyone in the Souma family.

"Take it. I am not giving it to any other girl." He started saying stubbornly.

Her heart warmed, he was still hers. Maybe she should accept it. Maybe if she explained… No she could not tell him what she knew.

Then he played the right cards, "It will hurt me very much if you do not accept my humble gift Tohru." He had her there.

"I cannot accept but maybe one day I will become the right honest woman you think I am I will accept your gift. And I will buy a lovely chain to add to it" She said trying to compromise with him. She knew for sure she could not accept it.

"No Tohru…" He began steadfastly. She put her hand on top of his.

"Please for my sake..." Then there was a pause. "Here let's bury it under this tree where we had our first kiss. And one day we'll come back here when I've become a woman worthy of it. And we'll dig it up and I'll accept your gift. I know it's silly but let's do it!"

"Not one day. Let's set a date." He fell into her trap. He had agreed of her not accepting without knowing it.

"Okay" she said happily. They had decided two years from now on March 3rd that they would come back and dig it up. March 3rd was the first day they had started dating and it was also coincidentally the first day of spring. She returned to bed with a silly grin on her face, one that she couldn't control. But it slid right off when she remembered that tomorrow was Friday and she had to visit Akito, pretending that her memory had been erased. She had to act chummy with the man who wanted to devastate the people she loved. She had to pretend they were good friends. Could she really do that?

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Still waiting for more votes on who she her mystery guy should be. Kyo or Yuki )


	4. The Sacrifice

She went up to the door and knocked. Tohru was wearing her very best clothes, a nice pleated skirt with a conservative white colored shirt and even her locket from **him** for luck. Yes the locket, the one given on her birthday in secret. It had a picture of both of them. She never showed it to anyone but herself. Yes she was prepared, she had brushed her hair so much the hairs almost stood up and she had shined her shoes the day before. But something was wrong, her eyes were too bright. They were fake and trying to show emotions of joy when she saw Akito.

The door opened and it was Kureno, she almost let out a breath. No confrontations yet.

"Master Akito is out back." He spoke in a monotone voice. She followed him to the garden. There to her surprise she saw a …picnic? A doubtful look came to her eyes. But the moment it had she knew she should have known about this somehow. Maybe this was one of the memories that Hatori was suppose to have planted in her mind.

"Tohru dear come here. It's been months since I've seen you after the accident. I hope you've made a full recovery. Come, come." He said in a friendly tone, yet the friendliness didn't quite reach his eyes. His eyes were still quite cold and quite dead.

"Oh yes the accident. But things are very fuzzy, I don't remember much and I hope I don't hurt your feelings if I don't remember everything." Tohru had thought of this on the spur of the moment. She would feign that her memory was unstable and in case she did something out of person of the memory she was suppose to have then she could blame it on memory loss. Perfect.

"It's alright my Tohru. Everything is fine. Come have a picnic with me. Remember the days when we would picnic in the park when we were little." She sat down with him and pasted on a huge smile. "I think I might. I remember this little brown basket and blue skies. It must be that memory." She said as brightly as she could lying through her teeth.

Kureno left, and now they were all alone. "Tohru my love we are alone at last." Akito said with a malicious hungry glint in his eyes.

Tohru was shocked. They were supposed to be lovers? Hatori never said that. Maybe Hatori didn't know. She was suppose to be Akito's lover? She wasn't an actress she could not fake such repulsive emotions.

"Yes we are. And I am quite ravished. I could eat a horse!" She said diverting the subject.

Then Akito spoke in a hoarse voice, "Remember how we used to make love under the trees? Remember when you told me you would always be mine and do whatever I please?" What? Tohru had promised herself to someone else. This horrible situation reminded her how lucky she was to have her special someone already. She had never promised Akito she would be his no matter in this memory or another. They had made love? Yeah right, sorry to be impolite but that would be hard to believe in either memory. And do whatever he pleased? In this memory was she suppose to be his slave or something. And why was she suddenly his love. Didn't he have **her,** Ms. Akito?

"Yes my love Akito, I vaguely remember saying that." She choked out. Tohru felt sick to her stomach. She didn't want to be here. She wanted to leave NOW. Akito laid a hand on her leg. She panicked. Ice rushed through her body as she almost nauseated from his touch. She had to get out of this. If she could only get out of this building she could be safe.

"Akito… you know this is not the time or place for this." She added a convincing tinkling laugh and she tried to laugh the whole thing off.

"I'm serious Tohru love. I want you now. Right here." He said dangerously. "Don't you remember when we made love? You said you wanted me to do it over and over again."

Tohru felt like throwing up in disgust. She looked down, and in the moment her eyes left Akito's she didn't see that they had flashed something feral, pure anger and hatred undiluted.

He pushed her down to the ground and his hands started roaming all over her body. She laid still. Maybe if she didn't move she wouldn't feel him. No she could feel everything. His squirmy foul touches were everywhere. Then his face came closer and his cold clammy lips touched hers. This was her limit she couldn't take it anymore. A kiss was suppose to be a special thing and she had recently had her first one from her love. The difference was magnimous. She felt defiled and it ruined the memory of the perfect kiss. It was gross, stomache turning and vile.

So Tohru pushed him off of herself and got up.

"Akito love…" She began but in the middle she was slapped on the face hard by Akito the devil himself.

"You bitch I knew that Hatori couldn't be trusted. He never erased your goddamn memory. I knew it. I knew Hatori could never be trusted to erase Tohru Honda's memory. She's too special." He spat onto her face.

The color drained out of her face as paralysis began to set in. Her limbs shook and she never been more terrified in her life. This man she felt was going to kill her.

"How...?" She managed to blurt out.

"How you ask? I made up the whole thing of lovers and you totally went along with it. Bitch, meddling with my family. I'll teach you to never do that again." He screamed spewing words full of loathing. His words, his composure, and his whole body shouted out that he wanted her dead and that he hated her more than anything in the world.

"HATORI GET YOUR ASS IN HERE GODAMMIT" SCREAMED AKITO. He choked and fell down shaking. Screaming was too much for Akito. Hatori rushed in immediately. "You LITTLE LIER. YOU THINK YOU CAN LIE TO ME? And even WORSE GET AWAY WITH IT?" Akito was exerting every last bit of energy he had in his body.

Tohru wanted to cry but she was too scared to cry. Her insides had crushed up and she didn't think she was breathing right.

Hatori turned white but his knuckles flexed. Hatori didn't know what to say. He had known somehow it would be found out. But so soon? Unless the whole thing was planned to test himself to see if he was loyal to Akito and would erase the memory of an important person in his life… again.

"Akito…" He began his long apology.

"DON"T YOU FCKING GIVE ME NO EXCUSES. Here.." suddenly Akito got quiet and calm. And this was even scarier than him raging and yelling. This Akito was thinking. Tohru prayed that she would get out of this in one piece and for Hatori to be all right too.

"Hatori I will forgive you if.." Akito said. Yes, Tohru thought he will forgive Hatori. She did not want Hatori to get blamed for her sake.

"…If you erase her memory right now in front of me." He ended.

Ouch, Tohru's nerves stopped working. Hatori's left eyebrow started twitching.

"Don't saying one fcking word. Just do it, or else I will turn out everyone in the house and maybe I should find Kana again and have some chats with her. I will hurt your little charges, and even Shigure and Ayame too."

Hatori wordlessly fell to his knees in front of Tohru. "I'm sorry" he croaked out.

Tohru was crying by now. But she smiled. "It's okay… I wouldn't want the family to get hurt for my sake. I know you have to do it. I want to sacrifice myself for the people I love and defend them with all I have. And I guess that is my memory. Hatori I trust you." She whispered.

Hatori knew this wasn't right. He wasn't given any choice though. And Tohru's little speech made hi want to kill himself, and Akito too. She trusted him? She shouldn't trust him. He was just about to erase her memory. The little bit of his heart that was left from the last incident, was cracking again. Into little tiny pieces, falling into oblivion.

"Tohru it'll be okay…" He tried saying but nothing would come out.  
"Aww fck JUST HURRY UP AND GET IT OVER WITH." Akito yelled. Both of them were once again reminded of his presence.

Hatori looked into her eyes, and saw sincere soft brown ones looking back at him. …breaking..breaking.. into tinier pieces…

Then the last thing Tohru saw were silver eyes and everything whirling into a gray swirl… but she knew the people she loved were being protected.

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Okay I've decided who the mystery dude is going to be. But keep reading to find out!


	5. The Absence

Please review! Tell me what you think even if it's bad. I want to make the story better )

"Love is **patient** love is **kind.** It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres."

A young girl with brown hair awoke suddenly in a room. It had seemed that she had been having a very bad dream. Her head ached just a bit, and there was that feeling. You know the feeling when you feel like you should know something but it's somehow just out of your reach. Anyways this young girl had this feeling.

She closed her eyes, then opened them again hoping that she would see a different reality if she just pretended it was a dream. Then a man she never seen before walked in, quietly and head down as if he was of no importance. But that couldn't be right, he wore his clothing like power, with his red polo shirt and black pants. "I am Kureno and I will be taking care of you for the next year."

Kureno…

Kureno…

Had she heard this name before? Hmmm she mentally shrugged, guess not.

Her mouth seemed a little stuck, unused. "mm.kay." she said a tad awkwardly.

"No you will say 'yes sir'" he replied in an instant.

Boy this is going to be a fun year, the young girl thought as Kureno soon walked her out of the room.

He paced back and forth his limbs shaking and unsure. Where was Tohru, where had she gone. Fuck, fuck, something had happened. That was why Shigure had acted so… nervous and well… antsy. God, it must have had to do something with Akito. Maybe that was what Tohru was all messed up about. God don't let it be Akito. His mind was on the fritz and his thoughts were jumbling around as if they didn't know where to go anymore. He banged his fists against the walls of his room, he couldn't stand the helplessness. Helplessness lead to rage, he couldn't protect her he couldn't do ANYTHING. The rage filled every pore and soon he knew why a murdered man would murder. For Tohru, Kyou would do anything…

In the next room, Yuki sat on his bed rethinking everything that had happened. It was past midnight and Tohru was not yet home. He calmly sat trying to process thoughts of any hints or clues there might have been left to what had happened to Tohru Honda. He learned this in Yoga, to simply let the mind relax and then once one achieved perfect stillness of the mind, to then focus on one object then let it lead to another. First, the weirdness of the atmosphere for the past week was clue one.

Then the phone call that made her face pale. He remembered the moment. Tohru picked up the phone with her cheerful voice, "Hello!" then he couldn't hear the rest of it but then he heard a broken "good- bye…" fall from her lips at the end of the call. Her face looked almost comical as if from a black and white movie because there was no color on her face. Her usually soft brown eyes had gotten black and spaced out. Her kind endearing expression had turned to a blank look. Secretly, it kind of creeped him out. He had never seen such a expression on Tohru.

Also lately, instead of her nice soft pitter patter of footsteps, her footsteps had become almost nonexistent. Not that she had stopped walking, but now she walked even quieter as if she didn't want to bother anyone. Well Tohru Honda never wanted to bother anyone, but this seemed more like isolation.

What to do now… his mind thought, after collecting the few clues he had. If something had happened to Tohru Honda, the most precious person to him, he would… actually there was no telling what he would do…

-

By the next morning, Tohru Honda still hadn't returned home. Kyou and Yuki both woke up at 6:00 to see if she was home. Her bed was empty. Shigure got up and what he saw did not reassure him. Kyou's orange hair was sticking all over the place, well Kyou never really combed himself, but this time he hadn't even bothered to flatten out the spikes with his hands. Kyou was still in his clothes from yesterday and his fists looked bruised. Shigure wondered if Kyou had gotten in a fight. Probably.

Then his inspection passed to Yuki. Yuki was a perfectionist and today his hair was not quite so straight, his teeth weren't quite so white, and his violet eyes didn't seem as lustrous. And he had dark bags under his eyes.

Shigure knew why they were like this. It was more obvious than a woman PMSing in a thong. They had noticed. Her absence filled the room and loomed over them like a death wish. Damn, thought Shigure. He was always caught in the middle, it wasn't fair. He absolutely adored Tohru, but that didn't mean he could disobey Akito. Why did he have to give them the news?

The poor girl had just gotten herself stuck in a very uncomfortable position; the position was being more loved than Akito himself. That did not make Akito very pleased. The head tyrant, or the _Elephant_, as Shigure often called him inside his head, was taking Tohru away far away. There was no way Shigure could have even tried to argue against him. He had never seen Akito so set on anything. Actually he had. But, Akito, though scary as usual, there was an even harder glint in his eyes. Usually the glint was steel, but this time it was pure **diamond**. One can not fight against that. So Shigure simply did not try, and no one could blame him.

He put his sad face on and began, "Kyou. Yuki. I'm really sorry to have to be the one to tell you. But late last night Tohru was walking to one of her friend's house and she was hit by a car. I am miserable to say that she did not make it. She passed away the instant the car made contact with her. Something to do with her spine…"

Shigure let out a tear, but before he could continue Kyou interrupted quite rashly.

"SHUT UP. OH SHUT UP! Bastard tell the truth. What REALLY happened to her? YOU KNOW FCKING WELL SHE WAS NOT HIT BY A CAR. SHE MIGHT HAVE BEEN A LITTLE DUMB BUT SHE WAS NOT A COMPLETE IDIOT" Kyou's entire body was convulsing as his chest heaved and he panted.

Yuki's reaction was a little different. His body froze. His mind froze. And lastly, his tongue froze.

"SHIGURE YOU BASTARD, YOUR JOKES WERE **NEVER** FUNNY… DAMNIT YUKI DON'T YOU FCKING CARE!" Kyou threw a glance in Yuki's direction.

His name pushed him out of his immobility. He couldn't handle it, he'd rather have stayed frozen. He collapsed to the floor, and immediately turned into a** rat**.


	6. The Beginning

The feeling of nothing was numbing and at the same time brought overwhelming panic. At first she felt nothing the absence of everything. No thoughts, no questions, no nothing filled her mind. She felt like a china pot with nothing inside but hollow air. The panic was creeping on the edges of her mind. But she shook them off, though not completely. She was with this _Kureno_. She could not understand not comprehend anything. Was this normal? They were arriving at a house. She felt no feelings of apprehension or concern. She was the being of no feeling. She absent-mindedly followed Kureno to the door.

Inside was a large woman, and the first thing she remembered noticing was how purple the hair and the eyes of the woman was. It was so handsomely violet making everything else to be dull compared to it. All she could think was about the beautiful violet coloring. She stared at it and she felt something in her almost jump. Without thinking, her arm involuntarily reached out to touch the purple hair. Kureno slapped her hand, as she hastily snatched it back to herself. She looked at the rest of the woman. What a contrast. The rest of the woman was very plain and at the same time delicate. It would seem that if you tilted this woman the wrong way she would shatter into pieces like a frail piece of glass. "This is the girl I was speaking to you about earlier" spoke Kureno slowly with precision.

"Yes…I suppose…" the purple lady trailed off. Kureno nodded and walked away. The words burst out without knowledge of its owner, "Wait I thought you were going to be with me? I thought"

"You were misinformed. I will be checking up on you periodically." He spoke short and rapidly. He nodded again and left. Although she felt no feelings of attachment toward this man he was the first thing she saw and remembered. She felt as though she must have him with her. She had nothing else to base her thoughts on.

The moment Kureno changed she felt a change in the violet lady. Immediately the lady seemed to become more sharp and angular. The air around her immediately became colder. "You are the one causing so much mischief." Looking at her intensely. She felt an immediate reaction and acted upon it without thought, "I'm very sorry" bowing her head at the same time. The action surprised herself. Why was she bowing to this lady who was obviously unpleasant to her?

"Let's have a look at you" and the violet lady took her unpleasant fingers and forced her to look up.

"Who's that mother?" spoke a voice from inside the house.

"Just a plain motherless thing" the violet lady said with no emotion.

"Oh it's just her" said the voice from inside.

She felt an irresistible urge to apologize and look down. But logically why should she? She had never done anything to them. They had automatically been quite disagreeable to her. Actually they were horrid. The word horrid rang in her memory. She didn't like that word somehow. Instead she tried to look into space as if she wasn't there. This way she wouldn't be looking at anything, therefore not thinking about anything either.

"I will be Meroko-san to you. You will treat me with the utmost respect. I am the owner of this home. I am giving you mercy by allowing you to stay here. You will cook and clean and do whatever the family wishes. Understand?" She spoke nonsensically.

Confused with the statement, she asked, "You are you, but then what am I?"

The violet lady was immediately confused and said again impatiently, "I own this house. You are a god forsaken maid. Are you unintelligent too? As well as your plainness?"

No the violet lady did not understand. "You are Meroko-san. What am I? What is the word upon to call myself?"

"Oh…" the purple lady understood immediately. For a moment her eyes flashed blue from their normal violet color.

"You are to be… Michi. You will be a pathway upon which other people will gain." She prophesized. A sarcastic thought immediately crossed her mind, great.

The young girl sounding voice from inside stepped out. She was stunned. This girl about the age of fourteen or fifteen was absolutely beautiful. She has a perfectly oval face with exquisite features. And to top it off she had a luxurious mane of lavender hair that seemed to only enhance her loveliness. She twitched at the lavender hair. Somehow it made her feel remorseful. The lavender hair of course.

"I'm Yukiko. You are Michi?" She said the question as a statement. She tilted her beautiful head and looked at her through her charming lilac eyes. Her gorgeousness almost hurt to look upon. Yukiko wore no makeup and wore modest clothing, she did nothing to add to her beauty yet still that in itself made her more beautiful. Yukiko, what a curious name.


	7. The Enduring

They broke her. They had broken her like no other. Sometimes you were in so many pieces; the only thing left to do was to close yourself up. It is better to not feel at all when everything is hurting. At first Michi could endure the indifferent treatment of her, she went through the days with resilience she didn't even know she possessed. The house was a big house and although it was filled with many servants as well as Meroko with her daughter and baby brother, it felt empty and hollow, more than anything, lonely.

Nobody acknowledged her, not even the servants. Perhaps sometimes Michi was graced with a nod here, a slap there, but Michi was nothing. Sometimes she imagined she was a spirit, one that only temporarily graced this huge castle of a house. The times she felt most lonely was at night. It was so imaginably painful to not be able to dream, no memories to fall back on for comfort, or not even nightmares to remind her of a past. To dream about nothing was anguish. Each night when Michi would go to sleep, she would sleep into a black nothingness. Every inch of her felt as though she dreamed, yet every morning she would wake up as empty as she was the day before. No pleasant dreams to occasionally uplift her never ending depression. She would try to dream and dream and nothing would come. That hurt the most.

As a result, she hardened. Resilience began building up, stacking on pain and loneliness. Never again would the word "sorry" fall from her lips. At first she had nothing to do except menial chores, but they put an end to that. Meroko immediately enlisted her to work at the small bar/restaurant/motel that she owned. It had an unusual name with flavor that Michi didn't think possible of Meroko. It was named Exquisite Grace. Mostly men came and it was Michi's job to be a waitress. She had walked in that one day hesitantly peering beyond the doorway, soaking in her new environment. He had walked up to her stared at her, and then broke into a wide grin. He was amazing.

Daisuke was the manager that pretty much ran everything in Exquisite Grace. At once he took her hand into his and said, "We will take care of you here". His smile made her want to do anything for him. Instead of shyly looking away, she looked back at said, "Okay." They found a very pretty kimino, which was uniform there, to which she could comfortably waitress in. He opened the door for her and always gently led her. Michi didn't mind following. Never getting angry at mess-ups or mistakes, Daisuke would smile at her and it was okay again. Each morning she would wake up eagerly for work, after all it was the highlight of her day. Now she dreamt. She would dream each night about his warm smile and twinkling eyes.

The other girls there were nice to her too. She made some friends like Riku and Rei who were sisters, but somehow none of them turned into best friends. It was alright, her eyes were always on Daisuke anyways. The security and protection he provided made her feel like a person, like she was grounded.

The girls there weren't cleared of suspicious behavior. Michi would sometimes notice how they would follow a man into his motel room. And suddenly the next day the girl would have a lot more money to buy pretty kimonos and trinkets with. So Michi asked Daisuke about it, "Daisuke, how come I see many of our waitresses go into men's rooms at night?" He answered easily with laugh, "My, aren't you perceptive. The girls help the men, almost as an extra service. They come in show them around the room and help them get comfortable like turning on the bath or fluffing up the bed and they leave. I started this service; I discovered that men really like it. They pay big bonuses just to see a pretty girl help them into their rooms. Would you like to make some extra money Michi?"

Michi had been saving up every single dollar for the day she would one day run away. But after she had met Daisuke she no longer wanted to run away anymore. She felt trust and security with him. She was even suspecting that he felt the same about her too. On some nights he even walked her home. Meroko even loved him. Michi wondered what it would be like to marry Daisuke and finally have Meroko and her family accept her. In the meanwhile she tried to please Daisuke as much as she could. "Of course, I would love to." She smiled at him with what she thought was her winning smile. He laid his hand on her arm and smiled back, "Thanks Michi, you won't regret it."

Yuki was lying on the couch when he woke up. His skin was cold with sweat and trembling to the touch. He was covered with a blanket and he felt a cold wash cloth on his forehead. He looked around, yes this was the family room. He saw Kyo in the corner of the room. His head was on the crack of the wall in an utterly dismal posture. He noticed Kyo's fists were bleeding, raw with anger and heartbreak. For once Yuki's heart acknowledged Kyo.

He couldn't sit around forever here. Why was he so weak? He needed to find Tohru. He needed to save Tohru. Then it rang in his head. Tohru was dead. Tohru dead. Tohru dead? NO something was not right. Something was wrong here. Something felt wrong. She couldn't be dead. She had always been there. His head slammed into reality not bothering to care if he was being slammed into a steel wall. Her sweet loving smile, the smile that had changed his life.

Later that evening, after serving many rough, noisy men Daisuke came up to her and said, "I have a customer for you tonight Michi, remember to be polite and do whatever he asks." She smiled back, no worries. She definitely knew how to handle men. After working at Exquisite Grace for seven months now; she knew how to handle them. Daisuke smiled back and kissed her on the cheek, and with that handed her the room key to 147. Michi turned away to blush. She nervously opened the door and walked in, immediately bowing. It was Taichi one of her regular customers. He was the son of a rich oil millionaire. She breathed in with relief. He was easy to handle, he was fairly young, pretty handsome but almost always cocky and arrogant. Although he flirted with her constantly, Michi would always put him down with a witty remark. She smiled at him, still she followed protocol. "So have you been enjoying Exquisite Grace?"

"I think I'm going to enjoy it a lot more now. I've been waiting for a long time for you to be available." Taichi replied easily.

Michi smiled back, "Haha so what would you like me to do? Fluff your bed? Turn on the bathwater? Just say the word."

She began fluffing his bed. Taichi got up and locked the door. "What are you doing Taichi? Wanted some privacy?" Michi remarked joking around. Taichi was always fun to mess with.

"Why don't you undress for me Michi?" he said with a look in his eyes. Michi was getting frustrated and a little angry.

"Taichi get over it. Just stop." She said angrily looking away. Then Taichi grabbed her wrists flung her on the bed in an instant. Michi was paralyzed with shock with the sudden movement. "I said I wanted your clothes off. I won't repeat myself." She was back to her senses, and she struggled hard. She bit him and dug her nails into his back and attempted to kick him off the bed. Her panic was making her jerk and kick with no avail. Yet in the end she couldn't compete, Taichi was in fit and easily overpowered her without much effort. Michi started screaming loud, hopefully Daisuke or one of the girls would overhear and walk in and put a stop to this. Taichi slapped her hard across the face that left her wheeling without a breathe. She stopped screaming. "You're much difficult than I thought. Good thing I brought a couple things to help." He said as he started unraveling her kimono. "Taichi you don't want to do this. Trust me."

"No you don't know how long I've wanted to do this. Trust me." He said. Michi lay there limply as he slowly but eagerly took off her kimono. As he looked upon her bare body, she felt shame and mortification take over her. Never before had she felt so revealed and degraded at the same time. His eyes raked over her body with leisure and at his own pleasure, taking in her small full breasts and lean waist. He took out a strong rope and tied her wrists together at the head of the bed. He tied it so hard Michi felt her wrists burn. She felt so defenseless and helpless and never before had she hated that feeling so much. All she could do was silently cry and murmur "please no". Taichi smiled at her gently and kissed her tears and her eyes softly. He then kissed her nose and then gently on the mouth. Out of spite, she bit him hard on the lip. Taichi slapped her hard across the face again. This time she felt as though her nose had cracked. He continued the kisses. He kissed her neck. He then kissed each nipple on top her breasts, and then her stomach. He was about to go down further, when Michi tightly closed her legs together. "Michi don't make this worse for you."

She laughed sarcastically in his face, "how can it get worse?"

It can get way worse…


End file.
